What Decisions Are You Making During Divorce?

By Tan Yan Mei


[Image: A drawing of what my sanity looked like back in 2009 - and we weren't even divorcing yet.]

A 1968 study found that teachers make around 1,500 educational decisions per day. Yup. And that was in 1968. Imagine what the number is like now!

Should I move that kid?

Should I call on her now or wait?

Do I blow up at them now?

Should I scrap this lesson and try something different?

How can I restructure my lesson to match the kids’ energies today?

Half the class didn’t do their homework - what else can I do?

Do I bring them to the bathroom now?

A thousand of these. All before lunchtime.

For a teacher who is going through divorce, this is only half your life.

The REAL Life-Changing Decisions (+1,500)

After the school bell rings, the other half is waiting.

How much alimony should I be asking for?

What kind of custody arrangements should I set that is best for my children?

How are we going to settle the assets and joint bank accounts?

Am I asking for too much?

Am I asking for too little?

Should I forget it and just get it over and done with?

Can I support my kids independently from now on?

Where will we live from now?

These are not small calls. Every single one of them will shape the next ten years of your life (and your children’s). One unfortunate decision 15 years ago led you to this today. Can you be sure you are making the best decisions for yourself and your children from this day on?

Nobody Can Make The Perfect Decision

Let me make it clear that I am not pressing you to make the perfect decision. Because nobody can and there is no such thing.

There is no perfect custody arrangement. No magic number for alimony. No asset split that will feel completely fair. No way to know, right now, whether the choice you make today will look wise or regrettable in ten years’ time.

We cannot control the outcome. What we can control is the state in which we make these important calls. Making decisions from a place of calm, peace and love may not guarantee our future, but we can be sure that we tried our best with what we knew and what we had.

This is very important! It is what reduces regret quotient when things don’t turn out the way we expect (and it very often will).

Get Help With Those Emotions

This is what I help women with. I help divorcing expat educators keep their sanity, so that they can keep their jobs, residency and life, so that they can move forward without losing everything (including their minds).

If you are in the middle of this right now and you’re exhausted chasing your sanity around, I would love to have a chat with you - because I can help you. DM me to book a call.

Location: Singapore

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